So I see my less then significant other this past Friday.  Big deal right?  Well it isn't suppose to be, but every time I see him I suffer two nights of bad dreams about him.  As predicted he is one happy camper to be finally getting his divorce.  He'll sign anything I put in front of him.  That's how relieved he is.  So he can be really generous and polite.  No frown on his face now.

Please note it took ME to file.

I honestly could care less now about who is paying for the lawyer.  Actually, it does my heart good that I filed on him.  I just wish I could get him out of my head once and for all.  Is that too much to ask?

Common sense tells me that he will fade from memory soon enough.  I can't control the dreams though.  Maybe they are my subconscience reminding me that I did the right thing?

I feel alot better tonight.  I cried it out some this weekend, and I put it in God's hands...again.  I know once should be enough but I keep borrowing the trouble  back.

I had a good lesson again in how I define friendships. I keep following for the ol' "because I chatted with you on a computer makes you a true friend."  I found out how fast that goes away when something more shiny shows up.  I will get better with this as I establish real friendships among the people around me.  Internet friends are just that, on the internet.  There is no vesting of time or energy.  It is perfect for people that are emotionally unavailable to others.

I recognize how much I'm like that.  It is probably one of the few things I have in common with my soon to be ex.  I don't let people get close, so internet relationships appeal.  When I do get close, it is usually with someone that is even more unavailable then I am which leads to a bad crash sooner or later. 

I have a lot to learn about real relationships yet.  I have never had one so I'm not sure what it looks like.  I just know when I am starting to follow the path toward an unhealthy one.

This being out of denial crap can be a real pain in the ass.