I've been pretty tired. Working full time and going to school full time is exhausting. I know the school part is almost over, but I'm really hoping for another snow day tomorrow. Don't think we are going to get it, but I can dream.
I guess in my tired frame of mind I am susceptible to being a bit sad tonight that I don't have someone special to share my "moments" with. There are people to talk to, but there are times I would just like to curl up in bed with someone that thinks as much of me as they do themselves. I wasn't one of the lucky ones though. Despite the number of years I waited before settling down, I still picked badly.
I have a problem with being attracted to emotionaly unavailable people. Not just men, but women too. I seem to make my closest friends with people who aren't really investing in relationship. I guess because at the core of things, I don't invest much in relationship either. So I guess I got what I deserved in that.
The good news is that I'm seeing the red flags sooner. I recognize when things are going down a one-way street a lot sooner then I use too. I'm out of denial and fully believe that the amount of people looking for friendships is a lot smaller then those that just want an ego stroked. I'm guilty of that too. Gravitating to people that think I'm wonderful just to get the "high" of feeling important. Only problem is that no one can keep that level of ego feeding going. So they begin to feel smoothered and withdraw and I feel lost, angry and betrayed.
I guess I am learning to not believe my "own press." I have many things now that give me fullfillment and satisfaction. I'm not so reliant on others to do that for me. Now i have to learn how to make lasting friendships. That's the part I'm poor at, but at least now, I'm better at figuring out if the person I'm wanting to have relationship with is actually interested as well.
Sooner or later I'll hit on the right combination. Meanwhile, I still have my dogs to curl up with at night, and i'm not totally friendless. Small steps. Small steps.
I guess in my tired frame of mind I am susceptible to being a bit sad tonight that I don't have someone special to share my "moments" with. There are people to talk to, but there are times I would just like to curl up in bed with someone that thinks as much of me as they do themselves. I wasn't one of the lucky ones though. Despite the number of years I waited before settling down, I still picked badly.
I have a problem with being attracted to emotionaly unavailable people. Not just men, but women too. I seem to make my closest friends with people who aren't really investing in relationship. I guess because at the core of things, I don't invest much in relationship either. So I guess I got what I deserved in that.
The good news is that I'm seeing the red flags sooner. I recognize when things are going down a one-way street a lot sooner then I use too. I'm out of denial and fully believe that the amount of people looking for friendships is a lot smaller then those that just want an ego stroked. I'm guilty of that too. Gravitating to people that think I'm wonderful just to get the "high" of feeling important. Only problem is that no one can keep that level of ego feeding going. So they begin to feel smoothered and withdraw and I feel lost, angry and betrayed.
I guess I am learning to not believe my "own press." I have many things now that give me fullfillment and satisfaction. I'm not so reliant on others to do that for me. Now i have to learn how to make lasting friendships. That's the part I'm poor at, but at least now, I'm better at figuring out if the person I'm wanting to have relationship with is actually interested as well.
Sooner or later I'll hit on the right combination. Meanwhile, I still have my dogs to curl up with at night, and i'm not totally friendless. Small steps. Small steps.
