That is the question asked of me today by my mom in a phone call. I wish I had an answer. Honestly, I don't know because even though in my mind I'm ready to be done, there are things I don't want to rock the boat on. My son's bassoon purchase, making sure that he still pays what he owes without forcing him in a corner, you name it. Just fears I guess. Fears that could happen with or without filing. I know that I have to have the money first to retain the attorney and then to pay all the court costs.
Divorce is such a financial racket and the only winners are the lawyers.
So far, as long as he stays out of town and leaves me alone, I'm good. That is really what it comes down too.
I don't listen to him any more. He starts up about not having a job, and I shut it down. I don't want to know his problems. He doesn't care about me, so why invest any more emotion in him. I have been pretty successful at that, except for him still making plans with Catherine before speaking to me. I called him on that one as I'm sure he is afraid that I will file papers to assure proper custody papers. It angers me that he still works behind my back when I have been fair and open with him. I have never denied him access to his kids whenever and for however long he wanted. Yet he still treats me like I'm some obstacle to get around.
I do need to file. It is just dragging out the inevitable. My head knows this but my heart is still too undecided.
One last reason is the simple fact that HE WANTED THIS. So why should I pay the money to retain the lawyer and pay all the fees? He should be the one that files first! He is just dragging this on because he doesn't have the courage to end it on his own.
Truth be known is he probably can't file because he doesn't have the money himself. I imagine that once he can find a job that will increase his salary, or if he can get more from his current employer, he may finally finish things because he for sure won't need me any longer.
I will keep moving forward. I will do what is the right thing when it comes. Things are coming into place more and more. I passed my PRAXIS exam, and I should be getting tenure this year. That may be an even better time to file papers, once I have that bit of job security in place. That will be the most amazing thing going for me yet. So many doors have opened for me. I'm so grateful for the community here that have opened their hearts and lives to me and the kids.
When our tractor's tire went flat this week, a neighbor came and took it off, took it home and filled it with his home air compressor. He then put it back on and off my daughter went mowing the yard. That is the kind of friends I have now. People look out for one another here and I couldn't be happier about my choices now.
My husband may have left me, but the truth is, he left his life just as much if not more so. I have a good life here with my daughter and son, even though he will be leaving for college soon. I have much to be grateful for, and I thank God every night for those blessings.
Divorce sucks no doubt, but I'm not alone. I have help and plenty of it. I have a great job and bright future in this county. I am making friends in the community and in time, I hope to be as much a fixture here as those that were born here.
I'm going to close on that thought. I got to stay positive and dwell on that. It is so easy to sink into despair. I have to try and keep that from happening because when I do, he wins.
Divorce is such a financial racket and the only winners are the lawyers.
So far, as long as he stays out of town and leaves me alone, I'm good. That is really what it comes down too.
I don't listen to him any more. He starts up about not having a job, and I shut it down. I don't want to know his problems. He doesn't care about me, so why invest any more emotion in him. I have been pretty successful at that, except for him still making plans with Catherine before speaking to me. I called him on that one as I'm sure he is afraid that I will file papers to assure proper custody papers. It angers me that he still works behind my back when I have been fair and open with him. I have never denied him access to his kids whenever and for however long he wanted. Yet he still treats me like I'm some obstacle to get around.
I do need to file. It is just dragging out the inevitable. My head knows this but my heart is still too undecided.
One last reason is the simple fact that HE WANTED THIS. So why should I pay the money to retain the lawyer and pay all the fees? He should be the one that files first! He is just dragging this on because he doesn't have the courage to end it on his own.
Truth be known is he probably can't file because he doesn't have the money himself. I imagine that once he can find a job that will increase his salary, or if he can get more from his current employer, he may finally finish things because he for sure won't need me any longer.
I will keep moving forward. I will do what is the right thing when it comes. Things are coming into place more and more. I passed my PRAXIS exam, and I should be getting tenure this year. That may be an even better time to file papers, once I have that bit of job security in place. That will be the most amazing thing going for me yet. So many doors have opened for me. I'm so grateful for the community here that have opened their hearts and lives to me and the kids.
When our tractor's tire went flat this week, a neighbor came and took it off, took it home and filled it with his home air compressor. He then put it back on and off my daughter went mowing the yard. That is the kind of friends I have now. People look out for one another here and I couldn't be happier about my choices now.
My husband may have left me, but the truth is, he left his life just as much if not more so. I have a good life here with my daughter and son, even though he will be leaving for college soon. I have much to be grateful for, and I thank God every night for those blessings.
Divorce sucks no doubt, but I'm not alone. I have help and plenty of it. I have a great job and bright future in this county. I am making friends in the community and in time, I hope to be as much a fixture here as those that were born here.
I'm going to close on that thought. I got to stay positive and dwell on that. It is so easy to sink into despair. I have to try and keep that from happening because when I do, he wins.
