Today I had a session with my therapist but it was different, because she pulled together a group of women who were in various stages of their divorce. One has been divorced for two-years but still has not moved on emotionally. She is still being an emotional support to the man who moved her and their daughter up from a different state and then "just didn't follow her." A second had just finalized her divorce the past week. She was already moving on and dating someone new, but she still hadn't fully let go either. She was trying to maintain a friendship, but admitted that it wasn't a healthy thing for her as it drug up a lot of old feelings. The third was still in the divorce process. She had recently gone through her deposition, but the divorce was not final yet. She was full of spunk and wasn't going to let this guy get off easy for leaving her and cheating on her. Then there was me, still trying to figure out the best moment to finally go to the attorney and get this started and then over with.

We are going to read and work through the Rebuilding book together. About 50 pages each session. I'm hoping that as I read it and process it with others, I'll be ready to finally take that last step.

We talked a bit about boundaries tonight, and I have written on it before, but the one thing I got out of tonight was that when we allow for that emotional contact to continue, we just drag out the pain further. Like our friend who has been divorced for two-years, the pain is as intense as when she got the call that he wasn't coming up to join her. He was still using her for his full emotional support. It seemed to be a common thread, that these men, who wanted this more then anything else to be divorced from us, were still using us like their mothers to be "taken care of."

I knew after my husband "re-dumped" me that I could not do that again. I have kept all verbal communication short and to the point. No more will I offer support or encouragement. If he is unwilling to commit to just attempting to heal the marriage, then there is nothing there to invest in. As we use to say about the definition of a boat being a hole in the water that you throw money into, my marriage was just that. A hole that I was dumping emotions into, only to not have any coming back to me. This isn't a healthy situation and if I am to finally make the separation, I need to make the break clean.

It is no longer my concern where he works or for how much so long as he is paying what he owes to keep a roof over his daughter's head until it can be sold and that he pays for the truck he drives all over creation.

So I'm looking forward to being with these women. I hope that we connect and perhaps be a source of local support for each other. Its not a step study, but an important study none the less.

I'm a successful professional. I am all but given on a silver platter a promising future and career even at my current age. My husband, had he had the foresight and the patience could be enjoying that fact with me right now. Even as he struggles with his own career satisfaction, my career is stable and soon I will be mobile. He chose the "easy way out." Now he is miserable and unable to find work that will pay more then he currently earns. He most likely will not get more pay from his current job, at least not as much as he would want.

I just smile when I think he is in fact getting what he wanted and better, what he deserved.

Now it is time for me to get what I deserve and finding how much I really want it after years of trying to help him achieve his goals.

It's finally my time to shine and be wonderful.