Today, I felt the burden and pressure of my decision to divorce my husband come off my shoulders after having a wonderful conversation with my daughter. I have been holding back for a lot of reasons, some of them very sound. But the one thing holding me back the most was wondering just how this would affect my daughter. She loves her dad so much, and I wasn't sure if she was ready yet to deal with the reality of the divorce.
I got that answer over an afternoon meal.
My daughter was being very supportive. She knew in no uncertain terms that her father had made the choices he made and did what he did to himself. She had been seeing all along the many times I had tried to work things out with him, only to have him spike it back in my face. She had been watching and paying attention. She knows he will be in her life. He is her dad, but it is also been obvious to her how much he wasn't really there for her like she would like. He had been missing all the important things in her life for a very long time as it was, but since the separation, he has really been missing out.
It is clear to me that he doesn't know how to be a parent. He knows how to be an awesome uncle, but that is it. He does love her, don't get me wrong and I think he would walk through fire to support her financially, but the truth is, he isn't there for her emotionally any more then he was for our son or for me.
It really is just the three of us.
My plan is clear to me now. I have passed my PRAXIS PLT exam, I have my contract signed for this year, and I should be given my full license and tenure this year as well.
If that is the case, The day I have the letter in my hand that I have tenure, that will be the day I retain an attorney.
We had been talking about signs that we are doing the correct thing in our support group, and to me this was the final sign. My daughter understands the reality. She may not like it, but she doesn't blame me either. She doesn't see why I should stay married to a man that causes me so much hurt.
To put it bluntly, "He just isn't in to me" and wishing and stalling won't make him want me any better. I guess in told, I really have been dumped more times then once. Twice this year yes, but if I really look back at my life, he was pushing me away and destroying my self-esteem long before that.
So today was a turning point for me.
My daughter and I continue to build a closer, more lasting relationship. She is one step closer to being able to launch successfully as an adult.
I got that answer over an afternoon meal.
My daughter was being very supportive. She knew in no uncertain terms that her father had made the choices he made and did what he did to himself. She had been seeing all along the many times I had tried to work things out with him, only to have him spike it back in my face. She had been watching and paying attention. She knows he will be in her life. He is her dad, but it is also been obvious to her how much he wasn't really there for her like she would like. He had been missing all the important things in her life for a very long time as it was, but since the separation, he has really been missing out.
It is clear to me that he doesn't know how to be a parent. He knows how to be an awesome uncle, but that is it. He does love her, don't get me wrong and I think he would walk through fire to support her financially, but the truth is, he isn't there for her emotionally any more then he was for our son or for me.
It really is just the three of us.
My plan is clear to me now. I have passed my PRAXIS PLT exam, I have my contract signed for this year, and I should be given my full license and tenure this year as well.
If that is the case, The day I have the letter in my hand that I have tenure, that will be the day I retain an attorney.
We had been talking about signs that we are doing the correct thing in our support group, and to me this was the final sign. My daughter understands the reality. She may not like it, but she doesn't blame me either. She doesn't see why I should stay married to a man that causes me so much hurt.
To put it bluntly, "He just isn't in to me" and wishing and stalling won't make him want me any better. I guess in told, I really have been dumped more times then once. Twice this year yes, but if I really look back at my life, he was pushing me away and destroying my self-esteem long before that.
So today was a turning point for me.
My daughter and I continue to build a closer, more lasting relationship. She is one step closer to being able to launch successfully as an adult.
