Today was and should be a happy day. Today was the last day my son would be in high school. Tomorrow we will have a pre-graduation party and then then Saturday, is the big day when he walks across the stage. I'm so very proud of him and his accomplishments despite the turmoil that has been our family life.
Aye, but then there is the rub. My husband's mother and his niece and husband will be coming in tomorrow as well. Although they are staying at a hotel, they will be here in the afternoon and for graduation. Its my hope that they leave soon after. Although I don't mind his mother, I'm not sure why the niece will be here. I really don't. She has made it clear that she doesn't like me and to come to my home must just be to rub it in my face. I don't know any other reason for doing this. I'm hoping that they perhaps will change their minds and stay at the hotel when my husband goes to pick them up. How strange can this be to have a man that doesn't even live here any longer pick up his mom to come show off the home he left? It absolutely boggles my mind.
So here I am stressing over the whole thing and allowing it to rob me of my joy for the fact that my son is graduating. Once again the narcissist I'm married too steals the lime light.
I have to draw back in. I will ask that he brings my rings back to me. It was a dumb idea to think he would commit to this marriage. So stupid of me to think he ever loved or could love me or anyone. I was happy and accepting of the fact that he was gone, and then he turned the tables around on me again. I may be fighting to come back to the center, but I will get there.
My best friend will be over before they even get here tomorrow. She will figuratively and maybe literally hold my hand through this ordeal. I have lost my faith in happy endings. My time as his wife grows shorter I'm sure. He isn't going to magically make it all better and recommit to something he was never committed to in the first place. I was the only one vested in the marriage, and I'll be the one forced into a position of ending it for the sake and sanity of myself and the kids.
He leads us on. He uses us to build his own ego up, and then runs from us when we expect something back emotionally. He is in fact, emotionally unavailable and most likely will always be.
It is better to live alone then to live with a man that treats you in a manner that leaves you feeling alone. I don't need a relationship that badly.
Take over the control God. Please, let me hand it over to you. I'm tired of trying to control this outcome at the expense of myself and my kids. Fill me with wisdom to simply know the difference between what I can and can't control because I lack in that gift.
This morning, I re-purpose myself to being a strong, independent woman who will no longer ask the question, "are you in this marriage for good?" He's had over 24 years to form the answer to that question and yet he doesn't have an answer which in itself is an answer.
Summer school isn't going to happen soon enough for me. It's time to get back to being busy with a purpose and goal. Time to put this pain behind me again and move back forward.
Aye, but then there is the rub. My husband's mother and his niece and husband will be coming in tomorrow as well. Although they are staying at a hotel, they will be here in the afternoon and for graduation. Its my hope that they leave soon after. Although I don't mind his mother, I'm not sure why the niece will be here. I really don't. She has made it clear that she doesn't like me and to come to my home must just be to rub it in my face. I don't know any other reason for doing this. I'm hoping that they perhaps will change their minds and stay at the hotel when my husband goes to pick them up. How strange can this be to have a man that doesn't even live here any longer pick up his mom to come show off the home he left? It absolutely boggles my mind.
So here I am stressing over the whole thing and allowing it to rob me of my joy for the fact that my son is graduating. Once again the narcissist I'm married too steals the lime light.
I have to draw back in. I will ask that he brings my rings back to me. It was a dumb idea to think he would commit to this marriage. So stupid of me to think he ever loved or could love me or anyone. I was happy and accepting of the fact that he was gone, and then he turned the tables around on me again. I may be fighting to come back to the center, but I will get there.
My best friend will be over before they even get here tomorrow. She will figuratively and maybe literally hold my hand through this ordeal. I have lost my faith in happy endings. My time as his wife grows shorter I'm sure. He isn't going to magically make it all better and recommit to something he was never committed to in the first place. I was the only one vested in the marriage, and I'll be the one forced into a position of ending it for the sake and sanity of myself and the kids.
He leads us on. He uses us to build his own ego up, and then runs from us when we expect something back emotionally. He is in fact, emotionally unavailable and most likely will always be.
It is better to live alone then to live with a man that treats you in a manner that leaves you feeling alone. I don't need a relationship that badly.
Take over the control God. Please, let me hand it over to you. I'm tired of trying to control this outcome at the expense of myself and my kids. Fill me with wisdom to simply know the difference between what I can and can't control because I lack in that gift.
This morning, I re-purpose myself to being a strong, independent woman who will no longer ask the question, "are you in this marriage for good?" He's had over 24 years to form the answer to that question and yet he doesn't have an answer which in itself is an answer.
Summer school isn't going to happen soon enough for me. It's time to get back to being busy with a purpose and goal. Time to put this pain behind me again and move back forward.
