I am writing this with tears running down my face.

My son hit the deepest, most painful nerve that I have.

I embarrass him in front of his friends.

Teens are suppose to be embarrassed by their parents, that is just what we seem to do, but this goes deeper for me. I remember as vividly as the day it happened singing in church and watching my older sister and her friends laugh at me.

I love to sing, and at that time I had a well developed, but still untrained voice. It was too loud and didn't blend well with the others. I was singing from my heart, and it made me a joke for a lot of people, my own sisters included.

I was always socially awkward. I didn't like playing games with people. I tried to be honest and tell the truth. I tried to be a real friend to the few I called friend. I hate the little social clicks, and the gossip. I was an old soul in a young body, always feeling more comfortable with the adults then with kids my own age. I wasn't a player and never tried to intentionally take advantage or use other people. I was an easy target for those that did.

I guess that is why I don't let people get close. I have learned how to be social without vesting any emotion. I am good with "work friends" because that is how I see them as. They are just, "acquaintances." I have no true friends, except perhaps one woman and even there, I'm not sure if I would consider her a true friend.

So what brought on this fit of self pity and tears? I made two small comments in two days that my son felt worthy of rebuke.

"Don't say stuff like that in front of my friends."

With out even knowing what he was doing, I was that young girl being the embarrassment of the family all over again. Bullied, unaccepted, and unwanted by my own family.

Some hurts I guess you never heal from.