Sunday's are looking up. I enjoyed going to church and then lunch after. I will say though I was tugged a bit to get home and speak to my husband again. I honestly don't know what to think. He wants friendship. Maybe if we can communicate better, that can happen.

I get this mixed feeling from him of not wanting to reconcile verses not wanting to divorce. Maybe he is just being vague, maybe indecisive, but honestly, I just get the feeling that he doesn't really want a divorce, but he feels a need to stay separated. So, I guess we stay in limbo and see what happens over the course of time.

I know he misses his family. I also know he is feeling a lot of pressure to prove he is capable of doing something he has never attempted to do. Much of the things he has avoided in our married life are coming at him full force in his work life. Karma is a bitch I guess.

So, I guess like teaching, I can only control what goes on with me. I will continue to follow my course of being independent and see where that takes me. Maybe he will be attracted to it, maybe not. Maybe I won't be attracted to him, but frankly I am. It would take a long time for me to get over him and be able to date another. When I look at him, I still see the gorgeous young man I married. It will definitely be a long time for me to get over that.

So I guess nothing really has changed. I have to get on with life and working toward being healthy. I guess I know I am when I file the papers because he won't.

Sad way of looking at it really. That said, it was a good day all in all.