Then there is no turning back.
I am at a loss right now. My husband continues to toy and play games. His lack of sincerity toward me pushes me farther toward just ending it once and for all. He has put himself in a position to be in another city as much as possible now. So much for working the issues out together.
He made it clear to me that he has "no problems," so now he runs away and leaves me the task of finishing what he started.
I am not there yet.
Emotionally, I no longer think I want him. How could I ever trust him? He opens his mouth and everything is a half-truth or an outright lie. He never meant to go through therapy as a way to seek help for himself. He just wanted validation that he was "okay," so he could continue to save face with his mother. He hasn't lifted a finger to do anything for me or to save this union. He throws away the only things in this life that really matter for what? I still don't know the answer to that one and most likely never will.
So now I agonize over the timing of my choice.
To finish it swiftly and go into massive debt, or save up what I can and see if he finally goes through with filing papers on his own or not. There is no winning in this choice.
He was so sure this is what he wanted, but when it came down to it, he proved just as much a coward as he was all those years not facing the problems when they were young enough that we may have had a chance to fix things. But are they really fixable?
He is a damaged soul. He has to face his own demons now alone, because I can't face them for him or with him. I would have stood by him, but he had no faith in me. He still has no faith in me. Whatever I ask of him, he will agree then immediately ignore it. He is not now or has ever really been my friend. He has just used me for his own satisfaction and companionship needs when it suited him. How easy and trusting I was.
I risk becoming bitter.
My son wants this over with so we can move on with our lives. My daughter, knows it will happen, but it breaks her heart. I still fear abandonment. Even now, as each day goes by that he doesn't not contact me, it gets more intense. I have taken a sleep aid tonight to help me tonight. I have tomorrow off for snow, and as much as I am grateful for one more day, I also hate the idea. I hate being here alone now.
I'm sure it is withdrawal that I'm feeling.
I find myself looking around the rooms of public places in hope of finding someone new to have a relationship with. The gold band keeps me from doing that as well as keep those that troll for lonely women away. I must keep to my path of resisting the urge and seek women to make friends with. I have jumped from one bad relationship right into a 23-year one of emotional and verbal abuse. I can't risk jumping into another with a guy that may be even worse then he was.
I should be reading right now, but as much as I am drawn to learn about why I do what I do, I am depressed by it as well. I have lost hope at keeping my family together, as well as hope that I will be able to have a healthy relationship with a man again. As long as I wear this band, I don't have to face that yet, but as long as I wear this band, I keep myself and my kids in a hell created by a hit and run manipulator.
All talk and no action. How typical. How utterly painful and how utterly unnecessary.
Sleep well faithless spouse where ever you are. You can't run from your demons when there is no place left to run from and no one left to blame but yourself.
I am at a loss right now. My husband continues to toy and play games. His lack of sincerity toward me pushes me farther toward just ending it once and for all. He has put himself in a position to be in another city as much as possible now. So much for working the issues out together.
He made it clear to me that he has "no problems," so now he runs away and leaves me the task of finishing what he started.
I am not there yet.
Emotionally, I no longer think I want him. How could I ever trust him? He opens his mouth and everything is a half-truth or an outright lie. He never meant to go through therapy as a way to seek help for himself. He just wanted validation that he was "okay," so he could continue to save face with his mother. He hasn't lifted a finger to do anything for me or to save this union. He throws away the only things in this life that really matter for what? I still don't know the answer to that one and most likely never will.
So now I agonize over the timing of my choice.
To finish it swiftly and go into massive debt, or save up what I can and see if he finally goes through with filing papers on his own or not. There is no winning in this choice.
He was so sure this is what he wanted, but when it came down to it, he proved just as much a coward as he was all those years not facing the problems when they were young enough that we may have had a chance to fix things. But are they really fixable?
He is a damaged soul. He has to face his own demons now alone, because I can't face them for him or with him. I would have stood by him, but he had no faith in me. He still has no faith in me. Whatever I ask of him, he will agree then immediately ignore it. He is not now or has ever really been my friend. He has just used me for his own satisfaction and companionship needs when it suited him. How easy and trusting I was.
I risk becoming bitter.
My son wants this over with so we can move on with our lives. My daughter, knows it will happen, but it breaks her heart. I still fear abandonment. Even now, as each day goes by that he doesn't not contact me, it gets more intense. I have taken a sleep aid tonight to help me tonight. I have tomorrow off for snow, and as much as I am grateful for one more day, I also hate the idea. I hate being here alone now.
I'm sure it is withdrawal that I'm feeling.
I find myself looking around the rooms of public places in hope of finding someone new to have a relationship with. The gold band keeps me from doing that as well as keep those that troll for lonely women away. I must keep to my path of resisting the urge and seek women to make friends with. I have jumped from one bad relationship right into a 23-year one of emotional and verbal abuse. I can't risk jumping into another with a guy that may be even worse then he was.
I should be reading right now, but as much as I am drawn to learn about why I do what I do, I am depressed by it as well. I have lost hope at keeping my family together, as well as hope that I will be able to have a healthy relationship with a man again. As long as I wear this band, I don't have to face that yet, but as long as I wear this band, I keep myself and my kids in a hell created by a hit and run manipulator.
All talk and no action. How typical. How utterly painful and how utterly unnecessary.
Sleep well faithless spouse where ever you are. You can't run from your demons when there is no place left to run from and no one left to blame but yourself.
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