I think I hit a point of despair tonight.
I'm being ignored by my husband and now his sister. I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment, but I tried to contact her in email. Just a short friendly note, saying how the kids are and how I have been. No talk of her brother, or anything serious like that. Just, this is how we are.
No word back.
How easy it must be when there is nothing vested in a family to just throw those members away. Is that not what is going on? I was never a real part of the family, just, the in-law. Soon, I won't even be that.
I guess I was wrong that if you love enough, have faith enough, and be honest enough, you can win over the hardest of hearts. I guess all that formula leads to is just dumb idealism.
My kids think I suck.
My husband hates me and abandoned me.
My in-laws are now on-board with the, "run her out of town," mentality.
I honestly have no idea what I did this wrong in life to deserve this level of Karma, but it must have been a good one.
Tonight, I missed my dad and my older sister. My sister was killed in a plane wreck on the 22nd of this month. Maybe that is really what is bothering me most right now. I just know, that I wish they were both here to guide me.
I just feel so alone.
In the end of it all, there is nothing that is happening that is really all my fault. It does feel that way, and there are quite a few that will capitalize on that to make me believe it. I wasn't the best wife and mother, but if nothing else, I was at least sincere about it. I only wanted what was best, and had I had the backing of a supportive spouse I know things would have been different. These kids would be feeling more secure because we adults would have been secure.
For that I did fail. My son was right that I should have done the leaving a long time ago. It is kinda sad though that in trying to do the right thing by keeping the family together, all I have done was make us hate each other more. Those Christian principles weren't wrong, but it assumed that the people that were following them were healthy and believed them as well.
I tried Dad.
I tried big sister.
Unfortunately, in life, try doesn't count unless you win.
I'm being ignored by my husband and now his sister. I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment, but I tried to contact her in email. Just a short friendly note, saying how the kids are and how I have been. No talk of her brother, or anything serious like that. Just, this is how we are.
No word back.
How easy it must be when there is nothing vested in a family to just throw those members away. Is that not what is going on? I was never a real part of the family, just, the in-law. Soon, I won't even be that.
I guess I was wrong that if you love enough, have faith enough, and be honest enough, you can win over the hardest of hearts. I guess all that formula leads to is just dumb idealism.
My kids think I suck.
My husband hates me and abandoned me.
My in-laws are now on-board with the, "run her out of town," mentality.
I honestly have no idea what I did this wrong in life to deserve this level of Karma, but it must have been a good one.
Tonight, I missed my dad and my older sister. My sister was killed in a plane wreck on the 22nd of this month. Maybe that is really what is bothering me most right now. I just know, that I wish they were both here to guide me.
I just feel so alone.
In the end of it all, there is nothing that is happening that is really all my fault. It does feel that way, and there are quite a few that will capitalize on that to make me believe it. I wasn't the best wife and mother, but if nothing else, I was at least sincere about it. I only wanted what was best, and had I had the backing of a supportive spouse I know things would have been different. These kids would be feeling more secure because we adults would have been secure.
For that I did fail. My son was right that I should have done the leaving a long time ago. It is kinda sad though that in trying to do the right thing by keeping the family together, all I have done was make us hate each other more. Those Christian principles weren't wrong, but it assumed that the people that were following them were healthy and believed them as well.
I tried Dad.
I tried big sister.
Unfortunately, in life, try doesn't count unless you win.
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