Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into. ~ Gandhi

I was clicking through my Gandhi quote box and this was the second quote to come up and I thought very appropriate for this series of posts I'm writing about step 1.

Step 1 again, is the admission that we are powerless. It starts by accepting our denial and stepping out of it. We move out of the center of trying to keep control on our life and turn it over to our Higher Power. For me personally, my high power is God. In Celebrate Recovery they would say it was Jesus, but for me that is one and the same.

I got a nice email from my husband tonight. I have noticed a bit different tone with him, but being as it is email, I try not to put much stock into that. One can "hear" what ever one wants to hear when reading emails, so I prefer to err on the side of a neutral voice. He did seem happy to see us this weekend, but again, I'm not going to let my heart go there. That would be stepping back into my denial that this will all be happy in the end and he will come back. I need to divorce him in my mind now. Continue moving on with my life and not be available to him whenever.

I did write another long email. I can't seem to say anything in a few words, but I thought he might enjoy hearing about the little stories that go along with having a family. I doubt he appreciates them, but you never know. I ended that my news was probably pretty mundane, but we were getting along well. What I should have said, was I'm sure it was pretty mundane, but as far as I was concerned this was what real life is about and what has real meaning. He will have to learn that for himself. He won't listen to anyone else I'm sure.

I want to get back to my thought on Gandhi.

Gandhi is saying that faith must be grown into. It is an active process. Having the faith to turn over you life to God and let him be in-control is a tremendously active process. It requires self-awareness to recognize when we are trying to take over and do things our way. It requires not accepting our excuses for why we don't turn things over, and it most certainly is an active process to read and meditate on God's word to understand his will for our lives. Yes, faith is indeed active.

There is a time when faith is tested. Faith that has not been nurtured and acted upon fails pretty easily. We call it "second hand" faith because it was never ours to begin with. Faith may be initiated by a parent or teacher, but it is up to each of us to take ownership of it. I believe that is what Gandhi was getting at.

Tonight I will re-read a short passage out of Corinthians and meditate more on my denial and how I can finally admit my powerlessness and be active in allowing God to take control.