I think I'm coming out of denial. I think I'm seeing things as they really are and not as I wish them to be. The problem is, that I was thinking I was farther along, but I don't think I really am. I don't have a good comparison for knowing that, but I was in group tonight and well, I guess I was really accepting a lot more crap then I really should have.

I got a short text from my husband wishing me a happy Easter, but nothing more after that. One short email, and one short text. All I have gotten in two weeks of time since he has been gone. My head is telling me that he really isn't interested in becoming my real friend. He just doesn't want us to be enemies.

I can be cordial. That is all he will get and all he deserves now.

My heart is still crying out to have him come home. To be a family again.

My heart is stupid.

Today was the best Easter I have had in a very long time. I had breakfast with my kids and my best friend. We had dinner at home and of course the Easter Bunny was here. I was in heaven. There was no stress, no under current of discontent. My son started painting the window trim in his room and his sister's. Not to mention beginning to clean the house for his guests that he invited.

I have awesome kids and so much to be grateful for.

I know there can be only one ending to this story with my husband. I will start working the first step book as I wait for the next woman's 12-step group to form up. This support group will be good as well. I saw myself tonight in light of what was defined as trying to be in control as well as denial. The hardest part is to stop saying things in my head like, "YES, that's my husband!" I have to stop focusing on him. I have to rededicate this journal to being about me only.

I'm not "better" yet. I have been feeling better with him out of the house, but I'm not "better." I'm still a relationship addict. I'm still looking for a quick fix to medicate my abandonment. I am not sober yet of my heart issues.

I am back to saying "one day at a time."