Here we go. Too much sleep and rest today, and now it's near midnight and I'm wide awake.

I hate evenings like this when I didn't do enough during the day to be really tired. My body knows I should be asleep, but my head is wide awake. The problem with my head being wide awake, is that my head starts down paths it shouldn't. Add that to being a tad bored, and well, you get the idea.

I watched my favorite show tonight with my daughter. It was one of those shocker episodes that is going to make a lot of people, including me, very angry for awhile. That was a bit of a distraction, but now the hype has died down and I'm bored again, and awake, so my brain wanders.

I hate it when my brain wanders. I think about my husband and what he is doing right now. I wonder if he even misses me. Does he even really care. Will he grow up and want to make right what was done? I doubt it. Its just me still in a bit of denial that he would do this kind of thing. So I am typing out my thoughts in a hope of letting them go.

I'll visualize pushing the bad thoughts out again. Already i feel it working. Maybe I just can't sleep until I blog an entry. Exchanging one addiction for another? I wish I knew if this was helping someone or at least entertaining them. But in lieu of that, I will still imagine some faceless reader out there. Reading and sympathizing with me and maybe saying, "I believe in you to get through this."

I will, I know that is true. It just won't be the way I had imagined it to be.