The funny thing about not waking up thinking about my husband is waking up and making myself think of him when I don't need to. It's like there is this void where all the delusions and panic and anxiety was that needs to be filled, so I start to obsess about him. I made myself stop it today.

It will be a conscience effort for a while I guess, but I said it again out loud to a small group of my peers. "I don't love him. I can't love a man that doesn't or won't confide in me."

That is really what it comes down too.

He wants to be friends. Twenty-three years of marriage to hear he just wants to be friends. As long as he sees me as someone to play with when he is in town, then we can never be friends.

I'll be nice and cordial. I'll go out and play pool and have dinner with him if he asks, but I don't plan to invest any more effort into him. I've been investing for over two decades and like the stock market right now, there is no return on the investment.

So he can just see my poker face. He showed his cards and he is holding nothing.