I honestly hate sleeping in late. I have had to get up so early for so many days, I just have been enjoying snuggling down and not answering to any alarms. Today was bad though. One p.m. is WAY too late to be getting up. Tomorrow though will have to be different. I have an 11 am with my therapist and tomorrow is my son's honor's banquet. I'm so proud of him.
I remember telling my son when he was in grade school that he had to keep his grades up so he could have choices of colleges. What I was really telling him was if he doesn't keep his grades up there won't be scholarships. I knew then he wasn't going to have the money for college because my husband and I just couldn't manage money. Everything I earned went to paying off debt, and when it was paid off, you think we would learn and keep out, but no.
One thing my husband was correct about, he is better off on his own. He has no excuses now for not setting money aside. For that I'm grateful. He has to prove now to everyone how being married to me was the reason he couldn't manage. Meanwhile, I am setting money aside. I have slightly over $1000 dollars to put toward my son's bassoon down payment. My daughter has even jumped on the band wagon wanting to put aside some of her monthly money to pay for color guard expenses.
I can't get over how both the kids are rising to the challenge. They have been amazingly supportive and want to do what they can to help out. I couldn't be more blessed. If either of these two are going to learn about how to be in a family, it will have to come from me.
This doesn't feel different then normal to me. With my husband moved out of town, I should be feeling some kind of loss, but it doesn't feel different. We are happier here. I can set rules and limits and we seem to all follow them. Why couldn't we do this when my husband was with us?
Was there really this undercurrent of discontent poisoning all the relationships? I at least feel like the kids have some respect for me now. I know they love me, and my son is more relaxed now. I'm honestly amazed at the difference. As much as I hate to say it, I think all three of us are better off.
So I don't know what to do. If my husband can mature and see his own failings to make amends would I take him back? If he doesn't but still wants to come back, would I take him back? Or is this all moot and he never comes back because of pride and ego. Would I really want him to?
If I was forced to answer that question right now, I would have to say that I am better off without him. Yes, I long for the comfort of his presence, but no longer at the expense of being second class. If I'm not first in his life, then I'm nothing. I'm getting along well with other people. I'm making friends and recognizing them in public. People stop and speak to me now.
Yup, i was given a bunch of crap to deal with, but I'm very blessed none the less.
I have two amazing kids, an amazing home for however long we can keep it, a job that is challenging and fulfilling. Although I may not have a husband, I also no longer am the victim of emotional and verbal abuse nor will I ever let that happen to me again.
Life is much quieter now and I feel much more at peace.
I remember telling my son when he was in grade school that he had to keep his grades up so he could have choices of colleges. What I was really telling him was if he doesn't keep his grades up there won't be scholarships. I knew then he wasn't going to have the money for college because my husband and I just couldn't manage money. Everything I earned went to paying off debt, and when it was paid off, you think we would learn and keep out, but no.
One thing my husband was correct about, he is better off on his own. He has no excuses now for not setting money aside. For that I'm grateful. He has to prove now to everyone how being married to me was the reason he couldn't manage. Meanwhile, I am setting money aside. I have slightly over $1000 dollars to put toward my son's bassoon down payment. My daughter has even jumped on the band wagon wanting to put aside some of her monthly money to pay for color guard expenses.
I can't get over how both the kids are rising to the challenge. They have been amazingly supportive and want to do what they can to help out. I couldn't be more blessed. If either of these two are going to learn about how to be in a family, it will have to come from me.
This doesn't feel different then normal to me. With my husband moved out of town, I should be feeling some kind of loss, but it doesn't feel different. We are happier here. I can set rules and limits and we seem to all follow them. Why couldn't we do this when my husband was with us?
Was there really this undercurrent of discontent poisoning all the relationships? I at least feel like the kids have some respect for me now. I know they love me, and my son is more relaxed now. I'm honestly amazed at the difference. As much as I hate to say it, I think all three of us are better off.
So I don't know what to do. If my husband can mature and see his own failings to make amends would I take him back? If he doesn't but still wants to come back, would I take him back? Or is this all moot and he never comes back because of pride and ego. Would I really want him to?
If I was forced to answer that question right now, I would have to say that I am better off without him. Yes, I long for the comfort of his presence, but no longer at the expense of being second class. If I'm not first in his life, then I'm nothing. I'm getting along well with other people. I'm making friends and recognizing them in public. People stop and speak to me now.
Yup, i was given a bunch of crap to deal with, but I'm very blessed none the less.
I have two amazing kids, an amazing home for however long we can keep it, a job that is challenging and fulfilling. Although I may not have a husband, I also no longer am the victim of emotional and verbal abuse nor will I ever let that happen to me again.
Life is much quieter now and I feel much more at peace.
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