Its not been the most successful week. I have been drawing in and out of my personal boundaries where my husband is concerned. I've tried being kind, tried maintaining an "image" of a family, but its not working. I find myself trying to "do" things for him, to show my love and worth. He sits about taking advantage while he chats away with his "friend." I almost let myself clean up after him when I saw dirty dishes in the basement.
I took a step yesterday toward getting support.
I joined an online support group in hopes of keeping my feet on the ground. I have to keep remembering that he is the one that wanted divorce. He is the one that didn't want to work through our problems and HE is the one that put this stranger in the middle between us instead of dealing with the issues in a fair manner.
It always comes down to money it seems. He couldn't budget. He couldn't say no even when he knew he didn't have the money. Even now, he tenses over money issues. We are separating the money, but instead of putting some of his travel money into the join account until all the bills were paid, he opened his own checking account with it all. We bounced the house check and risked bouncing seven hundred more dollars in bill payments.
He is oblivious.
Well, after the 12th of this month, my paycheck should go to my new account. He paid me what we agreed should be his share of food for the month and I will add that to my assets.
I'm angry right now.
I'm angry that he would rather run away and avoid then to face the truth. He has so demonized me that I am to blame for everything that he has convinced himself that he is better off without me. I say that perhaps it is the kids and I that are better off without him.
I will work on my recovery. I will continue to see Jean and perhaps look for a sponsor to help me through my relationship issues. The only thing that is important right now is getting healthy for me. I'm certain he will find something wrong with Jean next week. She will tell him the truth about himself and he won't be able to accept it. After all, he has never had to accept responsibility. He is the perfect son and brother after all.
Let him file. Free me from the emotional abuse. Free me from his constant blame. Free me from his family that never could believe that he would be at fault for anything. I am stronger then he thinks and I AM a good person.
I took a step yesterday toward getting support.
I joined an online support group in hopes of keeping my feet on the ground. I have to keep remembering that he is the one that wanted divorce. He is the one that didn't want to work through our problems and HE is the one that put this stranger in the middle between us instead of dealing with the issues in a fair manner.
It always comes down to money it seems. He couldn't budget. He couldn't say no even when he knew he didn't have the money. Even now, he tenses over money issues. We are separating the money, but instead of putting some of his travel money into the join account until all the bills were paid, he opened his own checking account with it all. We bounced the house check and risked bouncing seven hundred more dollars in bill payments.
He is oblivious.
Well, after the 12th of this month, my paycheck should go to my new account. He paid me what we agreed should be his share of food for the month and I will add that to my assets.
I'm angry right now.
I'm angry that he would rather run away and avoid then to face the truth. He has so demonized me that I am to blame for everything that he has convinced himself that he is better off without me. I say that perhaps it is the kids and I that are better off without him.
I will work on my recovery. I will continue to see Jean and perhaps look for a sponsor to help me through my relationship issues. The only thing that is important right now is getting healthy for me. I'm certain he will find something wrong with Jean next week. She will tell him the truth about himself and he won't be able to accept it. After all, he has never had to accept responsibility. He is the perfect son and brother after all.
Let him file. Free me from the emotional abuse. Free me from his constant blame. Free me from his family that never could believe that he would be at fault for anything. I am stronger then he thinks and I AM a good person.
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