This weekend has been a mix of a lot of different things. I stood up to my husband over this taking money off the top of his expense reports to fund his "vacations" while we still carry so much debt created at his hand.

We are still not sleeping together and probably won't for a long while.

We are trying to maintain a friendship, and he did ask me out on a real date last night. I in turn asked him to dinner for next Saturday, without mentioning that it was Valentine's day. I will continue to not to mention that to him as it is probably not the best way to treat the evening when one is a relationship addict. It will just be another Saturday night. I will fix dinner and treat for the evening whether it is a movie or playing pool.

I had a success in my process. Like the museum, I enjoyed myself for me. I really do enjoy playing pool and the movie was wonderful. I wasn't wrapped up in his feelings which made my time much more enjoyable. When the evening was over he went to his space and I went to mine. I didn't ask him to stay.

I will be honest that I do want him to stay. I want him to come back to bed with me, but its not the right thing or the best thing right now. We have to build a friendship, we have to have mutual respect and trust again before I can let myself be physical with him. We made that mistake 23-years ago. Two weeks into dating, we were hot and heavy in bed. It was a red flag that we ignored that the relationship was not real.

I know I may be deceiving myself again. I am reading a new book lent to me by my therapist. She likes to give me homework, and this latest read is titled "The Dance of Deception." So far I have read the forward. I'm still processing the last book and am certain now that my need for a relationship is stronger then my need to be a whole person. That is what I have to work on. I have to learn to be good with me as I have blogged so many times already.

I joined an online support group for those that are working through their own processes. Some are sex addicts, some are avoiders and some like me are relationship junkies. I don't feel so alone now. I would like to find away to meet new people and make friends. My son is right that I need to get out more and do things with other people. He worries for me.

So far for today, I am maintaining. The antidepressant is helping me from mood swinging and I feel more in control of my actions. I will take my daughter out to a movie. I have walked out in the sun around our house and admired the new life springing out of the ground. I am grateful that for today, I'm feeling like a whole person.

My thought for the day comes from Psalm 121.

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.