I keep looking for approval and finding none.

Today my son blew up at me because he is sick of hearing about it all. He's right, he shouldn't have to hear about it all. He just wants us to get divorced and be done. My daughter thinks its all my fault. I'm the one not trying hard enough and anything I say is so "not worth being upset about."

Nothing I do seems to please anyone.

I try to be financially responsible and tell the truth and I'm treated like the plague.

My only goal has been to help this family get out of debt. Every penny has gone to that goal while my husband skimmed off the top to pay for nice vacations for himself that included private fishing charters. He is even planning to fly out west this spring or summer for a hunting trip. Meanwhile, we have this huge debt, a son that needs his own instrument to play in college, and a looming divorce bill.

He always justified it by saying it was money he saved from his travel allowance, yet that money was not used to help pay off debt faster that would allowed him even more funds to do what he wanted. It's just about getting around me. Always.

Why do I even want this man? Am I this addicted that I continue to make excuses for everything and justify his actions? Have I so little self-respect that I let him enjoy all the comforts of home without any consequences?

It's good that I will be seeing my therapist today. I need to re-establish the boundaries and stick to my original rules. I have to stop physical contact. I have to stop asking that he come back upstairs to bed.

I'm weak. I'm overwhelmed. My family is falling apart.