My head tells me I am better off alone.

My heart tells me I need a companion.

My head wants to keep protecting me.  It keeps reminding me of all the pain and abuse.  It reminds me that the moment you try to attract someone new in, the compromises begin.  Already I feel myself wanting to change, not for my own sake, but for someone else's.  I feel all the same hurts, and disappointments and disapproval.  It is like being a kid again and being mocked for my size.

Was there ever a time someone thought I was "just right" the way I was?

Here is where the heart comes in to believe in the myth that there is someone out there for everyone.  It is a myth.  I would love the story book ending of the nice guy that just "appears" and becomes the true love of my life.  It's a myth.

So how do I turn off my heart once and for all and just listen to my head?

I can't do that, I know it - but I can't be someone for someone else either.  Not this time.  If I can't be who I am for me why do I think I can be anyone for a stranger?

There is no rush.  No biological clock.  There is no contest.  Someone that doesn't find value in me for who I am now, won't if I meet some "pre-expectation."

Time to bury the myths and time to do what I need to do to keep pushing forward.  I take care of myself because it is the correct thing to do, and in so doing, I make myself attractive to others.  It is the way things work.  When I feel comfortable with myself, I am no longer a needy person.

I have a lot to offer.  It is time to start believing that 100%.